A former classmate from my first semester of law school visited me the other day. I had actually run into him at Food City over the winter holiday, and we ended up talking for about an hour in the produce section.
We got into a conversation about relationships and his particular situation. After listening to his story, it became clear that the person he was dealing with was playing games. Honestly, it would have been clear to anyone familiar with basic manipulation tactics.
A lot of people behave in manipulative ways unintentionally, simply because they lack communication skills or emotional maturity. Others deliberately use mental and emotional games for their own reasons. Regardless of intent, the outcome is the same.
When he came back to town, we talked again. He told me that what I had said over the holidays turned out to be correct. Then he asked me how to get his “power back.”
This wasn’t an innocent question about healing or regaining emotional stability. He wanted to know how to return the psychological damage back to her.
Nope. Not doing that, sir.
Because that is a massive trap that a lot of people fall into.
The trap looks like this:
- Someone engages in disrespectful or abusive behavior toward you.
- You are shocked and demand accountability.
- They dismiss or invalidate your concerns.
- You react—either with sharp words or equally disrespectful behavior.
- The focus shifts to your reaction, rather than the original wrongdoing.
It’s classic manipulation. And it works—especially on people who are unaware or those who believe the person they’re dealing with wouldn’t operate on that level.
There are countless ways people manipulate others, but the most effective response is to stop engaging altogether.
Just quit.
You don’t need to think of ways to “get back.” You only need to think of ways to level up.
Real power isn’t in retaliation—it’s in removing yourself from situations that require it.